Stephen Harper's Report Card

Some political observers have been perplexed by Stephen Harper’s approach to governance. However, to anyone who has seen his grade three report card, the Prime Minister’s style is no big surprise:

LEASIDE PUBLIC SCHOOL
Student’s Name: Stephen Harper
Grade: 3
Teacher: Miss Bessborough

Arithmetic: B-
Stephen has shown some progress this term with addition and subtraction. He is able to compare different sized groupings and usually picks the biggest one. Unfortunately Stephen has recently developed an obsession with single digit numbers, particularly the number five.

Reading: A-
Stephen is a voracious reader. He reads everything he can get his hands on including the work of the other students. Even insists on writing their book reports for them.

Language Arts: B
Stephen has been able to construct and deliver speeches all on his own. Has a tendency to always use five themes. Needs to practise his delivery to overcome the tendency to speak in a monotone.

Writing: C+
This term, we have been concentrating on writing personal essays centered on the students’ personal experiences. Stephen has trouble expressing himself in this manner. Instead, he prefers writing detailed position papers on everything from class finances to milk money reductions.

Music: B+
Last term, Stephen was successful in getting his music group to sing in unison. This term, he is continuing to achieve that same success even when his group sings in a minor key. Needs to work more on harmonizing his group with the other groups.

Phys. Ed.: B
Stephen is not particularly athletic. However, when he runs, he does surprisingly well. And when he wins a race, Stephen is very generous and often asks classmates who weren’t chosen or didn’t win to join his team.

Summary:
Stephen is having some problems with group play. So long as he is the leader and gets his own way, there is no problem. But when the other children want to speak, he insists on interrupting and speaking for them. Even when some of his classmates form their own playgroups, they must first get Stephen’s approval before choosing a group leader. Often holds meetings in secret with his friends and refuses to answer questions afterwards. Is developing an aversion to television and expresses an intense dislike for newspapers.

Prognosis:
Too early to tell how Stephen will do in the higher grades. If encouraged to be more physically active and to continue running, it is likely that he will stop obsessing about the number five, adopt a whole new agenda and thrive in a majority situation.