It’s springtime and a sure sign of the season is the return of various migratory birds to Washington. Recent sightings include:
The Loose-lipped Libby
One of several eastern songbirds, the loose-lipped libby is musically prolific. Prefers a natural setting and will sing repeatedly to avoid being caged. Not to be confused with the rat-eating jailbird known as the gee gordon liddy.
The Hooded Cheney
Even veteran bird watchers have a difficult time spotting this species. The hooded cheney is a nocturnal bird that only appears during the day when threatened. Dangerous when provoked, it has even been known to attack its own hunting companions.
The Woodcutting Bush
Migrating back and forth between Washington and Texas, this bird is noted for its single-minded devotion to cutting. Whether it’s brush, taxes or troop strength, the woodcutting bush likes to chop. Native to Connecticut, it masks its true origins with western coloring and a faux Texan warble.
The Muted DeLay
Once the most dominant bird in the region, this Washington-based bird has returned to its native Texas. Previously spotted by its frequent cry of "not guilty", "not guilty", the muted delay now seldom sings at all. Likes to feed on democrats and gerrymanders.
The Hat-crowned Abramoff
This orthodox bird once lived in a symbiotic relationship with two other species. The hat-crowned abramoff would take food from native birds and give it to domestic political fowl, all the while feathering its own nest. No longer sighted in the D. C. area, the hat-crowned abramoff has reportedly been institutionalized.
The Snowy Clinton
Noted for its snowy plumage and plump girth, the snowy clinton no longer summers in the D. C. area. Leaving its mate to forage in Washington, the snowy clinton migrates throughout the country looking for admiring crowds. Previously known for its forceful cry of "is is", "is is."
The Grousing Gore
Ornithologists have a difficult time classifying this bird. Once second only to the snowy clinton, the grousing gore has fallen on hard times. Although no longer resident in Washington, its plaintive cry of "florida", "florida", "florida" can still be heard throughout eastern Tennessee state.