Former Conservative Party leadership
candidate Maxime Bernier has quit the Conservative caucus and is about to form
his own right-wing party. Unidentified hackers have released the following
e-mails from Bernier’s inbox:
TO: Maxime
FROM:
Andrew
What the hell is going on here? I thought
we had a deal: whoever won the PC leadership would get the full and unequivocal
support of the loser. Now you’ve gone and pulled this stunt. You’re going to
form your own party? May I suggest a name: the Know Nothing Party or the No MPs
Party. I hope you freeze in hell or in Beauce which, after all, is pretty much
the same thing.
TO: Maxime
FROM:
Jagmeet
Congratulations on breaking out on your
own and forming a new party. Canada has long been a proud multicultural and
multiparty country and I think it’s great that you are adding to at least one
of those traditions. Most of all, I want to sincerely thank you for taking this
step at this particular time. Let’s just say it takes some of the heat off me
in the NDP caucus.
TO: Maxime
FROM:
Stephen
You’re really making me second guess some
of my past decisions, particularly appointing you to three different Cabinet
posts. You always were a bit of a pain in the ass but I figured making you a
minister of this or that would keep you happy. Well, now that I’m not around to
keep you on a short leash, look at the damage you’ve done? I may even have to
come out of retirement to restore my reputation and reunite the right.
TO: Maxime CONFIDENTIAL
FROM:
Kellie
Hey, wassup, Max? Just heard you’re
leaving the party and forming your own. How come you didn’t tell me? You know
I’m a big fan and I know you’re a big supporter of Canadian values® so give me a call and we’ll set up a meeting. Just
don’t tell that wimp, Andrew.
P.S.
- Remind me to return your copy of Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead. Great read, by the way.
TO: Maxime
FROM:
Doug
Way to go, Maxie boy! I didn’t think you
had it in you but I gotta say I’m impressed. That’s some pair of cojones, mon
frère. Look, I know a lotta folks are saying your new party is dead in the
water but just look at me. Who’d a thunk three years ago I’d be sitting here in
Toronto leading the Progressive Conservatives? The only thing that galls is
that word “progressive” so hang on and when I’m done here, I’d love to join
your party. Buck-a-beer forever!
TO: Maxime TOP
SECRET
FROM:
Justin
Congratulations Max. You know I’ve always
been a secret admirer of yours. After all, we French Canadians have to stick
together, eh? Even if I’m not from the Beauce or anywhere even that remotely Quebeçois.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. Here’s hoping you win a bunch of seats in
Quebec come the next election but just not the Liberal ones, LOL! Thanks again
for ensuring a second Liberal majority government.
No comments:
Post a Comment