Now that Donald Trump
has actually become the 45th president of the United States,
Democrats, liberals and those with a functioning brain are struggling to figure
out a way to deal with the man-child in the White House.
One option is to fight
fire with fire or, in the case of Donald Trump, fight insult with insult. As
any skilled schoolyard bully will tell you, the way to decry, demean and defeat
someone is to pick on their weakness. And once you’ve found that weakness, tag
your opponent with a fitting and memorable nickname.
Remember the campaign
for the Republican nomination? Trump managed to hang a hard-to-forget nickname
on his closest opponent who quickly descended to the bottom of the pack.
First there was “Truly
Weird” Rand Paul who lasted about as long as an ice cube in Miami. Then there
was early favorite Jeb Bush who, once he was labeled as “Low Energy Jeb”,
quickly faded from view.
Marco Rubio seemed to
rise to the challenge until Trump cut him down to size with the sobriquet
“Little Marco.” Even Ted Cruz faltered after being called “Lyin’ Ted” in what
has to be the most ironic nicknaming event in recent history.
Once he eliminated his
Republican opponents, Trump took on the Democrats with equal success. “Crazy
Bernie” Sanders, “Goofy Elizabeth” Warren and “Crooked Hillary” Clinton didn’t
stand a chance against America’s most successful name-calling bully.
Some say that Trump’s
opponents should take the high road and that they shouldn’t stoop to his level
and engage in such juvenile tactics. But I agree with Robert De Niro who
recently said that, in regard to Trump, we have to bully him back.
That’s why I think it
is essential that we find a fitting nickname to hang on this guy. We already
have dozens of examples to choose from but none is really troubling to the president.
For example, “Orange
Hitler” is very funny but it likely fazes Mr. Trump not at all. The fact that
his complexion is orange-tinged is no biggie and a comparison to Hitler may, if
anything, stroke his ego.
The same holds true for
many of the other monikers like “Cheeto Jesus”, “Angry Creamsicle”,
“Decomposing jack-o-lantern”, “Racist clementine” and “The pumpkin who would be
king.”
To really hit home,
it’s necessary to identify some characteristic of Trump that really bothers
him, something that quickly gets under his skin. To that end, might I suggest
“Don Trump”? A man whose wealth has been rumored to rely on organized crime
connections will surely not take kindly to being compared to a Mafia don.
“Toddler Trump” is a worthy
candidate. For someone who has a gigantic ego and an overinflated opinion of
himself, being compared to a two-year-old would definitely smart.
“Tiny Hands Trump” is
another effective choice. Marco Rubio already employed this tactic against The
Donald as a slight against his manhood but made the mistake of backing off and
apologizing. The name obviously bothers Trump and if it were repeatedly
employed, I have no doubt that he’d eventually come totally unglued.
“Lyin’ Don” might work. After all, Trump is
the biggest unrepentant liar in American history. He never, ever admits to any
of his lies but hearing his new nickname day after day might just push him over
the emotional edge.
For my money, however,
the best candidate for achieving an eventual Trump meltdown is “Crybaby Donnie.”
There’s nothing the man fears more than being a loser and for a mean playground
loser epithet, you can’t beat crybaby. So let’s get Tweeting and before you
know it, there may be one less whiner in the White House.
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