Sunday, April 02, 2017

Crybaby Donnie

     Now that Donald Trump has actually become the 45th president of the United States, Democrats, liberals and those with a functioning brain are struggling to figure out a way to deal with the man-child in the White House.
     One option is to fight fire with fire or, in the case of Donald Trump, fight insult with insult. As any skilled schoolyard bully will tell you, the way to decry, demean and defeat someone is to pick on their weakness. And once you’ve found that weakness, tag your opponent with a fitting and memorable nickname.
     Remember the campaign for the Republican nomination? Trump managed to hang a hard-to-forget nickname on his closest opponent who quickly descended to the bottom of the pack.
     First there was “Truly Weird” Rand Paul who lasted about as long as an ice cube in Miami. Then there was early favorite Jeb Bush who, once he was labeled as “Low Energy Jeb”, quickly faded from view.
     Marco Rubio seemed to rise to the challenge until Trump cut him down to size with the sobriquet “Little Marco.” Even Ted Cruz faltered after being called “Lyin’ Ted” in what has to be the most ironic nicknaming event in recent history.
     Once he eliminated his Republican opponents, Trump took on the Democrats with equal success. “Crazy Bernie” Sanders, “Goofy Elizabeth” Warren and “Crooked Hillary” Clinton didn’t stand a chance against America’s most successful name-calling bully.
     Some say that Trump’s opponents should take the high road and that they shouldn’t stoop to his level and engage in such juvenile tactics. But I agree with Robert De Niro who recently said that, in regard to Trump, we have to bully him back.
     That’s why I think it is essential that we find a fitting nickname to hang on this guy. We already have dozens of examples to choose from but none is really troubling to the president.
     For example, “Orange Hitler” is very funny but it likely fazes Mr. Trump not at all. The fact that his complexion is orange-tinged is no biggie and a comparison to Hitler may, if anything, stroke his ego.
     The same holds true for many of the other monikers like “Cheeto Jesus”, “Angry Creamsicle”, “Decomposing jack-o-lantern”, “Racist clementine” and “The pumpkin who would be king.”
     To really hit home, it’s necessary to identify some characteristic of Trump that really bothers him, something that quickly gets under his skin. To that end, might I suggest “Don Trump”? A man whose wealth has been rumored to rely on organized crime connections will surely not take kindly to being compared to a Mafia don.    
     “Toddler Trump” is a worthy candidate. For someone who has a gigantic ego and an overinflated opinion of himself, being compared to a two-year-old would definitely smart.  
     “Tiny Hands Trump” is another effective choice. Marco Rubio already employed this tactic against The Donald as a slight against his manhood but made the mistake of backing off and apologizing. The name obviously bothers Trump and if it were repeatedly employed, I have no doubt that he’d eventually come totally unglued.
      “Lyin’ Don” might work. After all, Trump is the biggest unrepentant liar in American history. He never, ever admits to any of his lies but hearing his new nickname day after day might just push him over the emotional edge.
     For my money, however, the best candidate for achieving an eventual Trump meltdown is “Crybaby Donnie.” There’s nothing the man fears more than being a loser and for a mean playground loser epithet, you can’t beat crybaby. So let’s get Tweeting and before you know it, there may be one less whiner in the White House. 

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