Monday, April 24, 2017

Crazy Donnie's White House Agendas


  Come on down to Crazy Donnie’s White House Agendas. I’m Crazy Donnie and have I got some crazy deals for you. They’re so crazy they’re insane!
     We’ve got every type of legislative agenda just waiting for you to take them for a test drive. Whether your tastes run to gigantic infrastructure spending, huge tax cuts or massive government cutbacks, we’ve got just what you’re looking for.
     During Crazy Donnie’s special low low financing days, you can have your pick of any of our legislative agenda items for no money down, no monthly minimum and zero percent financing forever. That’s right; whatever options you choose, you don’t pay a cent now or any time in the future.
     Some people say “How does Crazy Donnie do it? With prices and options like these, he must be insane!” Well, folks, I’m here to tell you those people are right; I am insane and that’s why you’d better take advantage of these deals now before they lock me up and throw away the key.
     I’m giving away money for roads, rails and bridges. You want tax cuts? I’ve got tax cuts so big they’ll make your head spin. And for those who like to see federal departments and entitlement programs decimated, you’ve come to the right place.
     And that’s not all. We’ve got a fantastic border wall and it won’t cost you a cent since it’s fully paid for by the Mexican government. And if you act now, we’ll even throw in a second wall for free. Whether it’s a wall along the Canadian border or one to keep Californians in, it’s yours for the asking.
     You’ll be amazed at the wide array of tremendous bills and statutes we have on offer. And don’t worry about the cost. Here at Crazy Donnie’s White House Agendas, there’s no limit to the debt we can incur.
     We can add billions to your military budget and top up deficit spending in the blink of an eye. The only item currently out of stock is a functioning healthcare plan but, believe me, we’re working on it and phase two and phase three are amazing and will definitely be available for the next model year.
     But don’t just look at our legislative agendas. We’ve also got a fantastic regulatory docket on sale at rock bottom prices.
     With every purchase of a statutory plan, we’ll throw in absolutely free three executive orders signed personally by me that will roll back financial, educational and environmental safeguards. If you’ve been waiting for a low-cost opportunity to undercut social welfare guarantees, now’s your chance.
     And don’t forget; every legislative agenda you purchase comes with an unlimited 100-day item-to-item warranty. If you’re not 100% satisfied with the results, bring back your agenda and we’ll cobble together a terrific new one just for you.
     So don’t delay. Make the trip to Crazy Donnie’s White House Agendas today and talk to me, Crazy Donnie. We’re the big white house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue just past the Mall. Look for the Sean Spicer inflatable sky dancer.
     But remember; this is a limited, one-time offer. We won’t be around for long so drop by soon before they take us away.
     And while you’re at it, stop in at our Make America Great Again gift shop. If you’ve got the cash, we’ve got a bridge, some Florida swampland and an anti-aging face cream we’d like to sell you.

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