Monday, September 14, 2015

PMO Job Posting

   Considering all the revelations coming from the Mike Duffy trial, it’s perhaps not surprising that the following discarded draft job posting was recently recovered from a trash bin on or near Parliament Hill:
Employment Opportunity
Chief of Staff position
The incumbent will work as the head of a PMO team dedicated to serving the needs of the current prime minister. He will be in charge of the day-to-day operations of the Office of the Prime Minister and, in particular, will be responsible for the limitation and ultimate eradication of any potential problems including but not limited to spending scandals, voting scandals and Senate scandals. The incumbent will report directly to the prime minister except in those cases where it may be preferable that the prime minister not be made aware of what the heck is going on.
The successful candidate will ideally possess a legal background. Knowledge of the Canadian legal system and court structure will be very helpful, particularly knowledge of any relevant circumventions, workarounds or bypasses.
Possession of a five-figure chequing account, while not essential, would be a valuable asset in the event that the incumbent is required to personally cover any unforeseen politically uncomfortable third-party expense claims.
The applicant should possess basic computer skills including the ability to send, receive and, in some instances, read internal e-mails.
Relevant experience
Previous experience in the fields of small fire extinguishment, minor scandal cover-up and own-sword-falling-on will be most helpful.
Desirable skills include deniability, obfuscation, lip tightening and buck passing.
Language requirement
Although the position is nominally rated as bilingual, English is essential and French language ability, while useful, is not mandatory. However, the applicant must be fully fluent in bureaucratese, truthiness and Newspeak.
Job classification and salary
This is a term position ending on Monday, October 19th with an outside chance of at least a short renewal. At this point, you can pretty much name your own salary.
It would be nice if you have some but, at this late stage, it’s not really that big a deal.
Preference will be given to members in good standing of the Conservative Party of Canada or any right wing think tank.
Legal requirement
The PMO is an equal opportunity employer ostensibly dedicated to inclusion and diversity although our usual preference is to hire white, male lawyers. The PMO has no bias against women (except perhaps Pamela Wallin) or aboriginal Canadians (except perhaps Patrick Brazeau) or non-lawyers (except perhaps Mike Duffy); it’s just that we’re a primarily white male organization and would like to keep it that way.
Application deadline
Yesterday if not sooner.  

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