Saturday, May 14, 2011

Derail America

WASHINGTON (AFP) –– Intelligence seized from Osama bin Laden's compound in Pakistan showed his Al-Qaeda network pondered strikes on US trains on the 10th anniversary of the September 11 attacks, US officials said Thursday.

Although the particulars of terrorist plans to disrupt American rail service have been classified as top secret, some details have been leaked as evidenced by these recently revealed excerpts:

Derail America
With our brethren stationed at switching yards throughout America, we hoped to be able to derail several Amtrak trains on September 11th. It was expected that this would cause great disruption, injuries and loss of commerce to our enemy.
On further examination, however, it was decided to terminate this operation. Apparently the derailment of several Amtrak trains on any given day would not be unusual or give much cause for concern.

Stop Amtrak
By using various means such as cutting electrical lines and draining diesel fuel, it was hoped that we could freeze Amtrak service at several major cities on September 11th. With no passenger trains leaving from those centers, it was expected that American commerce would have been brought to a halt.
Although our agents could have carried out this plan, even if it were completely successful, it would not have had any significant effect on the American transportation system as such an occurrence is apparently a regular event.

Train Highjackings
Four teams of sleeper agents have been studying at private schools in America to operate high-speed locomotives. On September 11th, we had planned to have each team board a passenger train in a different major American city.
The idea was that each team would overpower the crew of the train and take over the controls of the engine. The train would then change course and be driven directly into a major structure causing great disruption and loss of life.
Unfortunately, our American sources have now informed us that it is highly unlikely that our agents would have been able to turn the trains around and change their direction of travel. It would have been useful to have this information at the outset of planning.

Operation On Time
After much deliberation, we have settled on this final plan which we have been assured will maximize damage to the Great Satan.
It is well known that the infidels’ national passenger rail service called Amtrak is notorious for its poor service. American rail travelers have come to rely on the predictable lateness of those trains, particularly within the Boston to Washington corridor.
We have infiltrated the Amtrak network and installed sleeper agents in ticket offices and trains all along the Eastern seaboard. On September 11th, we will give the signal and our agents will take steps to ensure that train service on that day is on time and efficient.
It is expected that tens of thousands of Americans will be totally confused by this unexpected on-time service. They will therefore miss their connections, not make meetings and generally disrupt the business of the nation for that day and possibly for days to come. In the name of Allah, we pray for success.

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