Saturday, October 30, 2010

White House Trick-or-treaters

It’s Halloween and that means American homes from coast to coast will be visited by scary trick-or-treaters. And that includes the nation’s First Residence: The White House. Here are some of the frightening visitors President Obama can expect this Sunday night:

The She Clinton
Hillary drops by to remind Obama what he can expect in 2012 if he doesn’t give her some more treats. She’s not saying she’ll run against him in two years’ time but she’s not saying she won’t either. But if Hillary doesn’t get what she wants, she may just unleash her sidekick Scary Bill.

The Birthers
They’re back and they’re scarier than ever. They’re the Birthers and now they’ve got a whole new crazy story about Obama’s non-American origins. It turns out that he was really born in Canada as the love child of Pierre Trudeau and Tina Turner.

Joe Biden
He looks friendly and harmless but once he opens his mouth, he can scare the bejesus out of the president. Dressed as a loose cannon, Joe Biden also has loose shoes, loose lips and a loose tongue.

Sarah Palin
This year, the former Alaska governor is wearing a new scary costume; she’s coming dressed as The Anti-Onanist - Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell. In a frightening ironic twist for Obama, the more he attacks Ms. Palin and her new gal pal with facts and logic, the stronger they become.

Tea Partiers
They’re mad as hell and they aren’t going to take it anymore. They’re the Tea Partiers and they want change now. But the scary thing is, nobody knows what kind of change they want, including them.

The Campaign Promises
This group of Halloween visitors is the president’s worst nightmare. Whether it’s Global Warming; Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell; or The War in Afghanistan, their appearance is a chilling reminder of goals unmet. If this gang of trick-or-treaters keeps coming back, Obama may have to find a new home in two years.

Glenn Beck
Dressed as the Race Card, Glenn Beck drops by to accuse Obama of hating white people. Although the president might protest that the only white person he hates is Glenn Beck, Mr. Beck won’t let truth and rationality defeat his scary demagoguery.

The Swing Voter
Possibly the scariest visitor to The White House this year, the Swing Voter is as crazy and unpredictable as Virginia Thomas on an answering machine. Frightening as it is to consider, this spooky character twice elected George W. Bush and he may just hand Congress back to the Republicans on Tuesday.

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