Saturday, October 02, 2010

I'm Going to Harperland

"In Lawrence Martin's new book, Harperland, he talks about the 2008 constitutional crisis."
- - September 30, 2010

If you’re looking for a fun time for the whole family, consider spending a day at Canada’s newest amusement park: Harperland.
For one low, all-inclusive price of $109, your entire family can spend the whole day exploring all the great rides and attractions at Ottawa’s number one entertainment destination. And for a limited time, we’ll pay the HST, the GST and part of any increase in applicable EI premiums.
From the moment you enter the grounds of Harperland, you’ll be amazed at the wide variety of entertainment available. Start your day with the Cabinet Minister Puppet Show featuring 36 life-size puppets.
They look like real politicians with their own independent movements, opinions and voices. But if you look closely, you’ll see the strings that all lead to the country’s most amazing puppet master: Stephen Harper. You’ll be amazed as this fantastic showman manipulates all his puppet-ministers and gets them to say and do exactly what he wants.
Then it’s off to Frontierland, one of the many independent attractions at Harperland. There you’ll get to check out the old Alberta firewall and maybe even try your hand at target shooting using unregistered long guns.
Next, be sure to stop at Fantasyland where you’ll get to experience all the long-held Tory dreams. Play "Bury the Liberals", deny global warming and dismantle any number of social welfare programs.
Then there’s Tomorrowland, a place where the future is now. Experience a Conservative majority government, a disappearing corporate tax and a triple-E Senate as if they really existed.
But Harperland isn’t just about attractions; it’s also jam-packed with exciting rides. If you dare, try the exciting Economic Roller Coaster with its gut-wrenching debts, drops and deficits.
And don’t forget the fun-filled Parliamentary Prorogator. Just as you’re heading to an almost certain coalition, someone pulls the plug and stops the ride cold.
Just like Disneyland has Mickey Mouse and Goofy, Harperland has its own favorite characters. There’s Little Jim Flaherty who spends money he doesn’t have and Big John Baird who likes to bash and trash his opponents.
But best of all is the daily show at Harperland called Question Period. Sit back and watch opposition clowns ask silly questions which are batted away with ease by government ministers and Stephen Harper himself.
Bring the whole family and make a day of it. Harperland is so much fun you’d swear it’s illegal. But as far we know, it’s not. It’s just really, really secret.

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