Say You're Sorry

"Clarence Thomas’s Wife Asks Anita Hill for Apology"
- N. Y. Times headline - October 19, 2010

In what some are calling a highly unusual voicemail message, Virginia Thomas asked Anita Hill to apologize to her husband Clarence Thomas for her allegations of inappropriate sexual comments against him during his 1991 Senate confirmation hearings. But it turns out that Ms. Thomas’s recorded appeal is only the latest in a recent series of requests for apologies:

Monica Lewinsky’s voicemail - October 10, 2010
Monica, it’s Bill, Bill Clinton. I just wanted to call and say I hope there’s no hard feelings about all that went down, so to speak, fifteen years ago. I’m still not sure why you said that our innocent flirtation constituted sexual relations when we both know that it really depends on what the meaning of "is" is. It would be great if you could make a public apology so we could put all this behind us and I could start sleeping in the big bed with Hillary again.

John Kerry’s voicemail - October 12, 2010
Hey, big guy, it’s W, George W. How’s it hanging there, Johnny Swift Boat? Look, I’ve been thinking and it would be a nice gesture on your part if you’d apologize for all those mean things you said during the 2004 campaign. After all, how did I know there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? And, heck, that wasn’t really the point anyway, was it? How about saying a nice big "I’m sorry" and then everyone would know I was a good ole boy all along?

Barack Obama’s voicemail - October 14, 2010
Mr. President? It’s Hillary, Hillary Clinton. You know, your Secretary of State? I’ve been thinking and I’d really appreciate it if you’d apologize for what you said in that debate back in 2008. "You’re likable enough, Hillary?" Boy, that really stung. How about just saying you’re sorry and then tell everybody what a great person I am? And if it’s not asking too much, it would be a gracious gesture if you didn’t run in 2012 and let me show everyone how really likable I can be.

John McCain’s voicemail - October 16, 2010
John, it’s Sarah, Sarah Palin - the hockey mom. I was your running mate back in 2008. But you know, I could have been more than just your running mate if you and your crazy advisors had let me run the show. We’d both be sitting pretty in The White House right now, John, if you had just left everything to me. Anyway, I don’t want to be crying over spilt moose milk. If you would just apologize and endorse me for 2012, I’d forgive you faster than green grass through a goose.

Jenn Sterger’s voicemail - October 18, 2010
Hi, Jenn. It’s me, again. No, no, let me start over. It’s me, Brett, Brett Favre who has never left a voicemail message for you before, OK? Or a text or a sext or whatever they call them. Boy, you’re smoking hot. Whoa, wait a minute. Can I just re-record this? Anyway, I was kind of hoping you could publicly apologize for saying I did all those things. I’d really, really appreciate it. And if you could return those photos of me, that would be even better.