Friday, November 20, 2009

The Palin Book Flu

As America continues to battle the spread of the swine flu, it is now facing a new threat: the Palin book flu. Until recently, this novel virus was thought to have been contained and to be relatively mild. But thanks to an unscrupulous publisher, the Palin bug has now been released in the thousands and appears to be spreading rapidly across the country.

The Palin book flu is classified as a member of the political memoir family of viruses. In many respects, it resembles other members of that viral family in that it contains innocuous biographical information. However, it appears to be much more virulent than other such viruses in that it contains large doses of innuendo and character assassination.

The Palin book flu also differs in who and how it infects. Unlike other political memoirs, its readers often comprise the young, the politically naive and others lacking a fully-formed populist bafflegab immune system.

Most political memoirs are released into the general population in December in anticipation of pre-Christmas seasonal sales. The Palin book flu, on the other hand, started appearing much earlier in mid-November which makes it difficult for authorities to take measures to halt its spread.

The Palin book flu also differs from other literary bugs in the pattern of its transmission. Normally new literary creations appear first in major centers like New York and Los Angeles and spread out from there. The Palin book flu’s epidemiological pattern seems to be counterintuitive with most reported cases showing up in Middle America.

In fact, political epidemiologists have labelled this new bug a so-called rogue virus. Its geographical pattern seems to be entirely unpredictable with outbreaks being reported in such centers as Fort Wayne, Grand Rapids, Columbus and a dozen other swing state cities.

Some high profile individuals have already been hit with this new flu and report that its effects are nasty and long lasting. Former presidential candidate John McCain, for one, is still feeling the effects of the Palin book flu and may never fully recover. Broadcast journalist Katie Couric is another flu victim who is reportedly still suffering from aftereffects such as a bruised ego and falling ratings.

Sarah Palin, the creator of the eponymous bug, has shown no remorse for the damage it has inflicted on the country. In fact, she has actively promoted and encouraged the spread of the dangerous book by enlisting such TV personalities as Oprah Winfrey and Barbara Walters.

The White House has reportedly taken active steps to halt or at least slow the spread of the Palin book virus. Although officials are not overly concerned about its immediate effect on the population, they are apparently worried about its long term effects. As it is currently constituted, the virus is not too dangerous but it could easily mutate and add presidential aspirations to its genetic makeup.

To this end, the federal government has begun identifying the virus and developing a vaccine. Usually a flu vaccine is created from a dead version of the virus which is used to stimulate one’s immune response. In this case, however, it is believed that a novel approach must be adopted and that, in order to be truly effective, the vaccine must contain a judicious mix of fact, policy and historical knowledge. It is hoped that such a mixture will protect readers from a full-blown infection before the fall of 2012 at the very latest.

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