W’s Diary - January 20, 2009:
Woke up. Worked out. Went for a quick jog. Another great day as the leader of the free world.
Had breakfast with Laura - eggs Benedict, croissants and some of that delightful Malaysian coffee. Tired of pretending to like flapjacks, pork rinds and chitlins, whatever the heck they are.
Met with staff in Oval Office to ensure everything ready for today’s Inauguration. Don’t want any slipups in ceremony. Called Chief Justice Roberts to make sure he knows the drill.
Phoned those seeking pardons and assured them there’s no rush. Karl seemed a bit agitated but eventually accepted my guarantee that things have been taken care of.
Phoned Dick Cheney and double-checked that Barack Obama still being held at Guantanamo. Chuckled again at the look of surprise on his face yesterday when we enforced Supreme Court order to have him "detained." Funny thing is, the Clintons don’t seem that upset.
Checked with staff that Supreme Court nullified 22nd Amendment just for today. Court agreed everything back to normal tomorrow and that this is only a temporary measure to ensure the terrorists don’t win.
Headed out to the U. S. Capitol for Inauguration ceremony. Thank God I don’t have to retire to that godawful hell-hole of a ranch in Crawford. People don’t appreciate the things I have to do to keep up appearances.
Chief Justice Roberts administered oath of office. Had to help him out with the words. Small price to pay for not appointing eggheads to the bench. Luckily, I now know the oath by heart.
Back at White House. Democracy restored to America. Felt pretty good.
Made tax cuts for the rich permanent and planned for next unilateral invasion of middle eastern country with no weapons of mass destruction.
Had early dinner with Laura. Cancelled Inaugural Ball as symbolic austerity measure in view of widespread suffering among middle class. Let them eat cake, ha ha!
Lights out. Lots of important work to do to keep the world safe for democracy tomorrow. God bless America.