An Obama Hosanna

Inauguration Day is over but America still hasn’t recovered from the Obama investiture. From the array of celebrity sightings to the wealth of reported miracles, observers agree that this was the greatest presidential inauguration ceremony since Millard Fillmore took the oath of office on July 10, 1850 after Zachary Taylor kicked the bucket.

For days before the inaugural, Washington was wall-to-wall celebrities. Everyone who is anyone was there - Hollywood stars, political bigwigs and the remaining captains of industry. From Alan Alda to Pia Zadora, the rich and famous flocked to the nation’s capital to catch a glimpse of history in the making.

And no one was disappointed. Although the newly inducted 44th president denied that anything special happened, reports from hundreds of people who were there strongly suggest otherwise.
"It was truly astonishing," said pint-sized, D-lister Gary Coleman. "I was standing there with a million other people for hours without so much as a Tic-Tac to eat. And then Obama shows up, someone passes him a couple of loaves of bread and two or three fish and the next thing you know we’ve all got a Filet-O-Fish sandwich. I’m not one to throw words around casually but that was an honest-to-God miracle"

If other reports can be believed, the feeding of the masses was the least of the miracles that occurred that day. Warren Buffet, for one, had to be briefly hospitalized after viewing the most miraculous event of his lengthy and event-filled life.

"It’s not something I would have believed unless I had been there," said the elderly uber-investor. "But I swear it’s true. It was a Tuesday and the Dow opened down fifty points and eventually closed down almost 200 points. But for a few minutes after Obama was sworn in, the Dow jumped a thousand points. Others claim it didn’t happen but I saw the big board and it was truly amazing."

But the most amazing miracle of all occurred just as Barack Obama took the oath of office. More than one attendee swears that as the new president spoke the final words of the oath, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King and Jesus Christ appeared beside him on the podium.

"I recognized the first two guys," said inaugural invocation presenter Pastor Rick Warren. "But that third guy didn’t look like Jesus at all. After all, he was black and kind of effeminate."