Aesop,
the ancient Greek slave and storyteller, created numerous character-based
fables, each ending with a moral. If he were alive today, he might be telling
the following tales:
The
Peacock, Twitter and the Fox
A vain Peacock once announced that he
wanted to become President. Everyone laughed and said it was a joke and that he
could never win.
But the Peacock enlisted his avian friend Twitter
to help him and began insulting all his opponents and eliminating them one by
one. He made all kinds of crazy promises and said he would “Make America Great
Again.”
The Peacock then engaged the Fox and his
news network to help him in his quest and the Fox demonized and vilified his
final opponent and helped him win the presidency to the surprise of almost
everyone including himself.
MORAL: Never underestimate the gullibility of the
American electorate.
The
Donkey and the Elephant
One early winter’s day, the Donkey was moping
around worrying about the sad state of things and how he would possibly be able
to feed his family over the winter months. He spotted the Elephant and thought
it would be wise to ask his advice since the Elephant had always preached the
gospel of frugality and fiscal responsibility and surely would know what to do.
When the Donkey explained his dire
situation, the Elephant simply laughed and started dancing. “There’s nothing to
worry about,” said the Elephant. “All I have to do is pass a bill with a huge
tax cut for me and my friends and we’ll be set for life.”
“Thank you Mr. Elephant,” said the Donkey.
“I feel so much better knowing that we all will be fine this winter.”
“Not so fast,” said the Elephant. “Those
tax cuts aren’t for you although I’m sure that some benefit will eventually
trickle down.”
MORAL: Don’t worry about balancing the books so long
as you have majorities in both houses of Congress.
The
Orange Tortoise and the Hare
The Hare was boasting of her electoral
prowess, especially against Elephants.
“I’ve seldom been beaten,” said she. “I am
very skilled and I challenge anyone to a presidential race.”
The Orange Tortoise called her “Crooked Hare”
and took on her challenge notwithstanding he had never held elective office.
A course was set and the race began. The Hare
ran almost out of sight but soon stopped and, to show her contempt for the Orange
Tortoise, lay down for a nap and chose not to campaign in Wisconsin, Michigan
and Pennsylvania.
The Orange Tortoise plodded on and by the
time the Hare awoke and realized her mistake, it was too late and she lost the
race although not the popular vote.
MORAL: Plodding and plotting win the race. A popular
vote victory is meaningless if you don’t win the Electoral College.
The
Russian Fox and the American Crow
A Russian Fox once made friends with an
American Crow and made sure he obtained some kompromat on his new ally. To show he was the Crow’s friend, he did
everything he could to help him win the White House.
Once the Crow had the presidency in his
beak, the Fox congratulated him and flattered him.
“You are an amazing politician and your
skills surpass those of all others,” said the Fox. “And since you are so smart,
I know you will lift any sanctions against me.”
The Crow lifted up his head, cawed in
victory and in the process dropped the sanctions and was eventually impeached.
MORAL: Do not trust flatterers even if they provide
you with favors be they financial, political or sexual.
The
Pig and the Chick
One day, a famous Pig was tired of dealing
with his third wife and her new baby so he ventured out to satisfy his needs.
He soon ran into an attractive Chick and asked her if she would like to
recreate some of her video roles with him.
The Pig and the Chick engaged in various
relations although apparently only of the textbook generic variety. The Pig
thought little of the affair until years later he found himself running for
President and afraid that the story would harm his chances.
A lawyer was engaged to discuss the matter
with the Chick who agreed to take $130,000 in return for signing a
non-disclosure agreement. Unfortunately, the Pig forgot to sign the agreement
which led to much litigation and possible impeachment.
MORAL:
Don’t engage in extramarital affairs but, if you must, ensure that you get an
ironclad, enforceable NDA at the time of the breakup to avoid later
complications.
