Stranger Than Fiction

December 15, 2014

TO:        Bob Smith, literary agent

FROM:  Dave Martin, aspiring novelist

     As promised, I’m sending you a brief plot outline for my new novel The Clown Who Would Be King. Hope you like it.

     Ronald Rumpf is a failed New York City real estate developer who manages to survive multiple bankruptcies by marketing his name as a lucrative brand. He then stars in a successful business-themed reality TV series and becomes a celebrity and a household name.

     Rumpf then decides to run for president and takes on a dozen Republicans in a contest for the Party’s nomination. To everyone’s amazement, he wins and goes on to run against the Democratic nominee Shirley Winsome. In the biggest political upset of all time, Rumpf wins the election and becomes America’s 45^th president.  

January 12, 2015

TO:        Dave Martin

FROM:  Bob Smith

     Dave, I read your brief outline and I had to ask myself what combination of drugs are you on? Failed developer turned reality TV star takes on the Republican field and wins the nomination? That’s simply not believable.

     I know you like to push the fictional envelope but you’ve really outdone yourself here. And to top it off, you have this crazy guy actually winning the presidential election.

     I suggest a complete rewrite.

February 22, 2015

TO:        Bob Smith

FROM:  Dave Martin

     I’ve taken your criticism to heart and cut back significantly on my drug intake, particularly the peyote buttons. Hoping the following rewrite works:

     Failed developer/successful marketer/ reality TV show host Ronald Rumpf announces his candidacy for the Republican nomination. He survives the first debate only to be eliminated from the race due to several egregious blunders.

     Jag Brush goes on to win the nomination only to lose to the Democratic nominee Shirley Winsome who becomes America’s first female president.

March 23, 2015

TO:        Dave Martin

FROM:  Bob Smith

     Better, Dave, but it still stretches the bounds of credibility. How about turfing the Rumpf  character altogether and just concentrate on the Brush-Winsome race? Maybe you could add some intriguing backstories like Brush being the son and brother of former presidents and Winsome being married to an ex-president. Just a thought.

     Plus maybe you want to reconsider that crazy notion of a woman president.

May 1, 2015

TO:        Bob Smith

FROM:  Dave Martin

     Sounds good. I’ll see what I can come up with. How about Brush wins nomination and beats Winsome to become third Brush president of all time?

June 12, 2015

TO:        Dave Martin

FROM:  Bob Smith

     Just got the word that some guy named Donald Trump announced his nomination. Let’s sit on your proposed novel for a year or so and see how things play out.

December 1, 2016

TO:        Dave Martin

FROM:  Bob Smith

     Sorry for the delay, Dave, but I think you know where this is going. Ironically, your first outline was not crazy enough and your final one is nothing but wishful thinking. Better luck next time.

     Have you considered a novel about a narcissistic blowhard who breaks every presidential norm, hires his family and gets impeached for money laundering and collusion with the Russians? Oh wait; never mind.