The Art of the Lie

Here's an excerpt from my new book Donnie's First Year now available on Amazon.ca:

     Donald Trump is known for a number of books including The Art of the Deal and Trump: The Art of the Comeback. I’m offering my services as a ghostwriter for his next volume: The Art of the Lie:

Believe in your own lies

     This is perhaps the most important rule in The Art of the Lie. After all, how are you going to get others to believe your fictions if you don’t believe them yourself? Even if you think what you’re saying might be a lie, convince yourself otherwise by telling yourself that even if it’s not true, it sure sounds true, feels true and should be true.

Never retract, never apologize

     No matter how many people accuse you of lying and no matter the weight of the evidence against you, don’t admit that you lied. First-time liars often make the rookie mistake of conceding that their statement was false and then apologizing. Even if you happen to get caught in a lie, never retract but, if you foolishly do, never, ever apologize.

Double down and repeat

     This seems counterintuitive but it’s a sure-fire winner. Even when your lie is a fantastic whopper (e.g. – huge Inauguration crowd), you’ll be surprised at how well it works when you expand on it (e.g. – biggest Inauguration crowd ever) and then repeat it over and over. Much to your surprise, folks will then either believe it or just give up in frustration.

The “Big Lie” is the best

      It was Adolph Hitler or Joseph Goebbels who created this one. Basically, you come up with a lie that plays to people’s prejudices and is so outrageous that they want to believe it. You don’t have to be a fan of neo-Nazis to recognize that some of those old-tyme Nazis knew what they were talking about.

Keep your opponents off balance

     Sometimes you’ll find yourself under attack from all sides and it looks like your lie will fail. That’s the time to start asserting the exact opposite and then stand by both contradictory statements. Your adversaries will be so confused they’ll probably just throw in the towel.

I’m rubber, you’re glue

     Attack the attacker. When your opponent tries to undermine your lie with a surfeit of facts, start making false accusations about them. A perfect example is to call the media “fake news.” Name-calling like that forces them to spend all their time denying it.

Threaten lawsuits

     Threaten lawsuits against those challenging your lies. Nobody likes to be sued and most people can’t afford a good lawyer. Usually there’s no need to actually pursue such suits. The mere threat of legal action will generally make most truth-obsessed folks back off.

Exaggeration = glorification

     You’re not just smart; you’re the smartest. You’re not just rich; you’re the richest. If you’re going to lie, there’s no reason to hold back. Just remember, lie big or go home.

Keep adding to your list of lies

     Don’t be a wimp. Just because you’ve lied every day for the last thousand days, don’t stop lying just because you feel you’ve overdone it. The more lies the merrier. Critics will eventually tire of trying to keep track of all your falsehoods and will often concede defeat.

Employ surrogates

     If you can afford to, hire a bunch of flunkies to repeat and spread your lies. The more times people hear your lies coming from the mouths of different people, the more likely they’re going to believe them. And don’t worry if your stand-in gives up and quits; there are always more toadies ready to carry the can for you.

Don’t fear the oath

     There may come a time when you have to testify about your lies under oath. So what? It’s just an oath. Keep lying unless it looks like there’s a chance you’ll be charged with perjury. At that point, don’t forget to “take the Fifth.”