Monday, February 04, 2013

Black & Black

“Conrad Black will soon be coming to a television near you. The former media baron has reached a deal with ZoomerMedia to host his own weekly, 60-minute current affairs talk show.”
- Canadian Press - Jan. 28, 2013

Black is back, as in Conrad Black. The Canadian press baron, British lord and convicted felon will soon be taking to the airwaves. If his new enterprise takes off, look for more shows featuring the bloviating baron. Shows like:
Lord Black & Friends
Lord Black of Cross Harbour hosts a weekly chat show from London featuring a different member of the House of Lords. Although no sitting member of that body has yet agreed to appear on the show, the producers are hopeful that Lord Black can find at least one friend abroad.
American Prison Tour
Capitalizing on his extensive knowledge of and experience with the American penal system, Conrad Black hosts this new dramatic series recreating his various prison stays. Black stars as himself in this hard-nosed examination of the shortcomings of various American prisons and Mr. Black’s courageous battles to reform them.
Black & Black
CBC Radio is planning to bring Arthur Black out of retirement to team up with his namesake. Arthur will revive his lighthearted look at Canadian life while Conrad berates and belittles his co-host and his taxpayer-funded network.
Tubby’s Tales of the Tape
TSN hopes to sign Canada’s favorite pontificator to host a boxing-related show. The plan is to not only have Mr. Black comment at length on some of the greatest boxing matches of all time but to also feature him in actual pugilistic contests with his favorite nemeses and adversaries including his former partner David Radler and BBC-TV host Jeremy Paxman.
Hockey Night in Canada
The television arm of the CBC apparently feels that color commentator Don Cherry has seen better days. Network execs are looking to replace the clothing-challenged Cherry with none other than Conrad Black. It’s hoped that Black’s outspoken polysyllabic rants will mesh nicely with the milquetoast observations of Ron MacLean to create an irresistible dynamic.
Barbara & Me
Several lifestyle cable channels are reportedly bidding for this new offering featuring Canada’s most flamboyant couple. Conrad Black and his wife Barbara Amiel will host a weekly tour of their various non-incarcerated homes.
The Baron’s Books
Promising to be an exciting if somewhat narrow book review show, “The Baron’s Books” features Conrad Black reviewing his favorite books. From “A Matter of Principle” to “Franklin Deleano Roosevelt: Champion of Freedom” to “Flight of the Eagle” to “Conrad Black”, the sesquipedalian scrivener promises to critically examine his own entire oeuvre.   

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