The Will & Kate Road Show

This is a warning to my American friends, particularly those living in Los Angeles. Watch out. Will and Kate are coming.
Prince William and his wife Catherine, the newly-crowned Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, have just spent the last week traveling across Canada and they’re now heading south for a three-day trip to L. A. I feel it’s my duty to let you know what to expect.
The Will & Kate Road Show took Canada by storm. Wherever they went, huge crowds gathered to greet them and more than a hundred journalists followed along to record their every word and fashion statement.
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by this phenomenon. As a Canadian, you’d think that I would understand matters royal. After all, Queen Elizabeth is our nominal head of state.
But I wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming reception Will and Kate received. It was like they were, well, royalty or something.
In recent years, we Canadians have been less and less enamored of the British royals given their wealth, aloofness and scandals. But Will and Kate seem to have revived our nation’s love affair with the royal family and, thanks to them, I suspect we’re stuck being a constitutional monarchy for years to come.
Which brings me to my warning to you folks. Don’t be fooled by what appears to be a simple, friendly diplomatic visit by Great Britain’s future head of state and his wife. I think there’s something more afoot here.
Have you noticed what’s happening in England lately? The economy is a mess, labor strife is rampant and the country is a shadow of its former self.
My guess is that this royal visit is a rearguard action, an attempt to undo the deeds of the American Rebellion or what you folks so quaintly call the American Revolution. England needs financial help and what better way to get it than to take back America?
Be careful. This cute young couple may seem harmless but I suspect they have a hidden agenda. Their ultimate aim may well be to regain their ancestors’ status as King and Queen of the Americas.
Let’s face it; despite your revolutionary roots, most of you still have a love affair with royalty. After all, didn’t you almost make George Washington your first king? And, like it or not, most women still grow up with dreams of marrying a real life prince.
You folks are sitting ducks or, in this case, sitting dukes and duchesses in waiting. Once Hollywood gets a glimpse of this glamorous couple, they’re going to want to adopt them and jump on the royal bandwagon. What movie star or mogul wouldn’t want a chance at nobility?
And once Hollywood is on board, the rest of the nation will follow and before you know it, you’re bowing and curtseying to kings and queens again. I’m just saying, watch out. If you wake up some day and find you’re paying a tax on your tea, don’t say I didn’t warn you.