Thursday, December 03, 2009

What's Next For Oprah?

Let’s have some fun and try completing this sentence: "Oprah ends her talk show in 2011 and decides instead to....."

* Groom Sarah Palin as her talk show host replacement, the new show to be called "Simply Sarah."
* Take on Dave, Jay, Conan, et al. with the first late night talk show hosted by a woman since Joan Rivers’s ill-fated, short-lived run with "The Late Show" on Fox in 1986.
* Challenge Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and T. Boone Pickens to a high-stakes, winner-take-all poker game for financial domination of the free world.
* Open her own bookstore called Oprah’s Book Club.
* Buy and call it
* Spend more time with her family.
* Adopt a third-world orphan and give him or her a new life.
* Adopt a small, third-world country and develop it into a member of the G20.
* Eat anything she damn well pleases for the next twenty years.
* Build her own theater in Vegas and perform two shows nightly with added weekend matinees until Celine Dion cries "Uncle!"
* Buy the Chicago Cubs and get them into the World Series.
* Establish a seniors’ home for retired (or should-be-retired) daytime talk show hosts like Phil Donahue, Jerry Springer and Montel Williams.
* Take as much time as necessary to get Stedman to stop calling himself a consultant and get a real job.
* Start calling herself Ms. Winfrey again.
* Replace Joe Biden as the Vice Presidential candidate on Barack Obama’s ticket for 2012.
* Replace Barack Obama on the 2012 ticket.

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