The Rudies

Rapper Kanye West has apologized for his outburst at the recent MTV Video Music Awards. But it doesn’t look like it will affect his chances of winning a Rudie at the upcoming first annual Rude and Offensive Celebrities Awards show to be held in New York City next month.

"Of course we prefer to see rude incidents untainted by subsequent apologies," said ROCA’s Honorary Chairman Dick Cheney. "But I understand that not all celebrities have the ability to never admit fault and never say they’re sorry. That’s why we try to judge each entrant only on the inherent rudeness of his or her particular performance"

For his part, Mr. West is cautiously optimistic about his chances of winning a Rudie.

"I’ve been disappointed by bad ass judges so many times that I don’t want to get my hopes up," said West. "But I do know one thing; if I don’t win this award, you’ll definitely hear about it."

Just like other award shows, the Rudies provide a wide array of categories for celebrity complainers to compete in. For example, this year, it looked like the Rudest Politician of the Year award was going to be a close contest between former governors Sarah Palin and Rod Blagojevich. But a surprise last minute nomination for little known South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson now appears to make him the odds-on favorite.

"Saying the President lied in front of a joint session of Congress definitely merits consideration," said Dick Cheney. "Particularly when he didn’t. Believe me; I know the power of the big lie and this guy Wilson showed some big time rudeness that deserves to be recognized."

In the world of sports, there are plenty of nominees in each individual category from Barry Bonds to Brett Favre to John McEnroe. But when it comes to overall sports rudeness, the hands down winner this year is likely to be tennis star Serena Williams for abusing not only her racket but also a diminutive U. S. Open line judge.

Serena has promised to show up for the awards show and hopes to graciously accept a trophy in one or more categories. If not, however, she is prepared, as she put it, to "shove the **** trophy down someone’s throat."

This year’s awards ceremony will be broadcast from the Capital of Rude: New York City. Co-hosted by the Kings of Rude, Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck, the show will start at 9 P.M. and finish whenever the organizers damn well feel like it.