Spring is here and across the land you can hear the sound of barbecues being fired up for a new season of outdoor cooking. Nowhere is that sound louder than in Washington, D. C. where the following recipes are being tried:
Named for America’s Attorney General, Grilled Gonzales refers to an unusual style of barbecuing any grillable fish or meat. Quickly becoming a bipartisan favorite in the nation’s capital, this dish requires both Democrats and Republicans to pile on their preferred spices and sauces until it disappears under a mountain of recriminations. Previously a Presidential favorite, it is reportedly soon to be removed from the White House menu.
Washington insiders are familiar with this tasty dish which has been perfected by White House Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove. Mr. Rove is legendary in the nation’s capital for his ability to take any seemingly tough, hard-to-digest cut of beef and, by rapidly spinning it on his own personal barbecue spit, transform it into a tender delicacy that even Democrats are forced to swallow.
An Illinois barbecue speciality by way of Arkansas, Refried Clinton starts with the original Clinton and then mashes it into a bland paste that is slowly simmered on the grill. The dish has many of the same characteristics as the original Clinton but somehow seems to lack the spicy flavor of the first-served dish. Although designed to appeal to a wide range of tastes, Refried Clinton often leaves diners wanting something substantial with a lot more zest.
Much like its Cajun namesake, Blackened Obama starts with a nice piece of white fish which is blackened on the grill with a spicy Amero-African coating. Not to everyone’s taste, especially those barbecue purists looking for a genuine African-American recipe. The dish’s oft-cited absence of real substance seems to be successfully concealed with a thick coating of charisma.
Flip Flop Burgers
Once a Democratic specialty, Flip Flop Burgers are now a common Republican barbecue favorite. Looking to achieve a taste that appeals to all political palates, everyone from Rudy Giuliani to Mitt Romney to John McCain has recently been trying his hardest to rapidly and frequently flip the position of his patties. Those who’ve tried these burgers say that they tend to fall apart and have a definite unctuous taste.
Some outdoor chefs are willing to admit to the occasional failed dish that went up in flames. And then there’s George W. Bush. No matter how charred, burnt or shrivelled the President’s barbecued meal becomes, in his mind at least, it’s always a great success. The President is also known for his five-alarm Admit-No-Failure Iraqi chili.