Barry
and the boys were sitting around the Oval Office trying to come up with an
answer to the Ukraine crisis:
"Mr.
President, we have to do something about Ukraine. We can't keep saying that there
will be consequences. People are calling you a wimp."
"Let's be clear; I am not a wimp.
There will be consequences if Russia does not respect the territorial integrity
of Ukraine. Mark my words."
"That's what's been happening, Mr.
President. Everyone's
been marking your words and there's
not a whole lot there."
"Well,
let me be perfectly clear. The United States will not accept nor will we
condone any incursion by a foreign power into the sovereign territory of
another nation based solely on trumped up allegations of non‑existent security
threats."
"Uh,
Mr. President, what about Iraq?"
"Oh,
damn! Thanks a lot George W. Bush."
"Anything
else, Mr. President?"
"Well,
let's
see. How about the United States does not concede that there is any doctrine
that Russia can invoke to curtail foreign influence in any country within its
immediate sphere of influence?"
"You
mean like the Monroe Doctrine?"
"Damn
again!"
"There
must be something we can do, Mr. President."
"Wait,
wait, I've
got it. There can be no acceptance of a political situation where a foreign
power decides to intervene in the affairs of another country simply because one
political faction in that country has toppled the ruling party and seeks an
alliance with the foreign power's
foes."
"Our
invasion of the Dominican Republic in 1965?"
"Damn
and double damn! Wait, I've
got it. Our nation will not countenance a violation of international law
whereby a nation invades another country simply to protect those of its own
ethnicity."
"Ronald
Reagan. Grenada. 1983. Had to rescue those American medical students. Remember?"
"Can't allow a foreign influence
to take hold so close to our shores?"
"Cuba.
Bay of Pigs. 1961."
"OK.
What about a condemnation of a specious claim of manifest destiny to expand one's sovereignty to include
contiguous territory?"
"Sounds
like the Mexican War of 1845, Mr. President."
"Yeah,
yeah, yeah. So if you guys are so smart, what's
the answer?"
"Let
them have Crimea and call it a day. They'll
live to regret it. Remember Afghanistan and Georgia?"
"OK,
let's
do it."
