Cutting Up the Cash

"The U.S. House of Representatives on Friday approved a financial reform bill that would expose the Federal Reserve to more scrutiny, threatening its cherished political independence."
- Reuters - Dec. 11, 2009

Transcript of a recent secret meeting held in a conference room in the New York Fed Building attended by Fed Chairman Benny "The Bailout" Bernanke, Treasury Secretary Timmy "The TARP" Geithner, Interim N. Y. Fed Chair Denny "The Chair" Hughes and the heads of the other eleven Fed families:

"Hey, Benny. Whatsa matta wit you?"
"Whadda ya mean, Denny?"
"I mean we gotta good thing going here and you’re gonna screw it up."
"Nah, everything’s fine."
"No, Benny, it ain’t. Folks are starting to get suspicious. Dey see all dis money goin’ out but nobody’s gotta job."
"They just gotta be patient, that’s all."
"They ain’t got no more patience, Benny. And now they wanna look at da books."
"But we don’t got no books, Denny."
"Exactly. Dat was da beauty of this operation. Now whadda ya wanna us to do?"
"Maybe it don’t look so good right now but Timmy here’s gotta solution."
"OK, let’s hear it Timmy."
"Fellas, we got as much money as we want, see. We just print it downstairs in the basement like always. So I says we just run off an extra trillion greenbacks and we buy up some more troubled assets. That’ll make a whole bunch of mugs happy and dey’ll leave us alone."
"But Timmy, whadda we need with a bunch more troubled assets? We still can’t unload the last shipment we got."
"It don’t matter, Denny. We just keep ‘em all in storage. We still prints more money for us, see, and nobody’s the wiser."
"But dose jokers in Congress are talking about pulling the plug on our operation. Whadda we do about dem, Benny?"
"Look, dose guys like cash same as us. So long as we throw some extra bonus money in their campaign war chests, dey’ll back off, guaranteed."
"OK Benny, Timmy; we’s countin’ on youse guys to keep the cash flowing. We don’t need no audits or no stinkin’ regulations."
"Yeah, sure. Youse can count on us."