Friday, March 12, 2010

The Sixty-six Dollar Bill


Republican Representative Patrick McHenry of North Carolina has proposed that Ronald Reagan’s face replace that of Ulysses S. Grant on the fifty-dollar bill. Rather than banish Grant from the fifty, why not create new denominations to honor Reagan and his contemporaries? New denominations like:


The 75-cent piece
We’ve got a 25-cent piece and a 50-cent piece, otherwise known as the quarter and the half-dollar. Why not a three-quarter dollar? Chances are it would be very unpopular and fade into obscurity. Thus, it would be a perfect candidate to honor the visage of America’s most recent forgotten-but-not-gone leader: George W. Bush. Who better to be labelled the six-bit president than "W" himself?


The $1 coin
From the Susan B. Anthony to the Sacagawea Americans have historically been resistant to dollar coins. But maybe it’s time to make it mandatory and get rid of the paper one-dollar bill. That’s what Canada did with its one-dollar coin informally dubbed the loonie over twenty years ago and now it’s in wide circulation. Perhaps the U. S. Mint could put Bill Clinton’s visage on a similar offering and create America’s own version of the loonie.


The $13 bill
This unlucky bill with its unlucky numeral is destined for limited circulation just like its honored president Richard Nixon. The back of the bill will have a representation of The Watergate Hotel and the front will feature Mr. Nixon with arms outspread above the quotation that says it all: "I am not a crook!"

The $66 bill
This might be a more fitting tribute for Ronald Reagan. After all, although Reagan purported to be a small-government, low-spending conservative, he reigned over the biggest spending orgy of his day resulting in a tripling of the national debt during his term in office. What better way to honor his memory than to issue a sixty-six-dollar bill representing the effective worth of a hundred dollars after his eight years as president.

The trillion-dollar bill
It’s unheard of to honor a sitting president with his face on a unit of currency. Then again, recently it was unheard of to incur a trillion-dollar deficit. Since President Obama has broken new budgetary ground, it’s only fitting that he should appear on this new bill. The back will be completely filled with all twelve zeroes of the bill’s denomination while the front will feature a portrait of Obama with the legend: "To boldly go where no president has gone before."