Monday, March 02, 2009

Obama's Secret

First it was the $792 billion stimulus package. Then it was the multi-billion dollar bank bailout. Next up was billions for the auto industry. And then, like magic, there was $275 billion for ailing homeowners.

Frankly, people were beginning to wonder how Barack Obama could do it. How could the new president keep spending billions upon billions of dollars? Surely there must be a limit to his ability to summon up even more bucks for bailouts.

Well it turns out that the answer is no. There is no limit to his generosity and it turns out it’s all because of a discovery the new president made on his first day in The White House.

"That first day," said Obama. "They gave me a tour of my new home including the Oval Office and the Lincoln bedroom."

"But while my tour guides took a break," said the President. "I took it upon myself to explore The White House basement. And you know what I found down there? A printing press, that’s what."

Apparently in the recesses of Obama’s new home resides a remnant from the days of FDR and the New Deal.

"Yeah, it was an offset printing press that can spit out thousand dollar bills at an incredible rate," said Obama. "For 1930s technology, it’s pretty amazing."

Since that first day, Obama has ordered White House staff to keep that old printing press operating 24/7 to fund whatever bailout was next.

"I have to admit," said Obama. "It’s come in really handy. Every day somebody else is looking for a handout and, by golly, I’ve always got something for them."

It turns out that this was the very press used by Franklin Roosevelt to fund his alphabet of New Deal programs that helped America weather the Great Depression.

"If it was good enough for FDR," said Obama. "It’s good enough for me. My only concern is that people may not honor these thousand dollar bills once they realize they’ve all got a picture of his wife Eleanor on them. Let’s just hope we’ve turned the corner by then."

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