Thursday, November 27, 2008

Washington Auction Sale

"Serving the greater Washington and Baltimore area for over fifty years"
Specializing in estate, bankruptcy and relocation auctions and disposals

Notice of upcoming on-site auction

WHERE: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., South Lawn
WHEN: Monday, January 19, 2009 at 10 A.M. sharp
WHY: Occupant relocating

This auction will be held on-site due to the wide variety of items on offer. There will be the usual lots of general and household goods. In addition, a number of unusual and one-of-a kind objects will be up for bid. Among the items available are the following:

Lot #6
A wide array of western-style mens’ informal clothing is featured. The owner will be selling off most of his casual wear items including jeans, jean shirts, western buckles and cowboy boots. Used only as temporary costume items, they will now no longer be needed. Also for sale will be an overused Texas accent and several "good ole boy" postures, poses and expressions.

Lot #13
Lot number thirteen comprises a small offering of books, magazines and other reading material. Most of the items are in pristine condition and have not even been opened. Among the printed materials on offer are several brand new, never-read volumes including "Presidential Briefing - bin Laden determined to strike in U. S.", "U. N. Inspectors’ Report on Absence of Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq" and "National Intelligence Estimate Report: Iran ceases nuclear weapons program."

Lot #22
This lot includes dozens of unusual nostrums, knick-knacks and notions. A number of flags, pennants and banners will be up for sale including captured flags of Afghanistan and Iraq and a large window treatment bearing the words "Mission Accomplished."

Lot #31
A wide array of barely used policy positions are featured including "No child left behind", "Cooperative bipartisanship" and "Compassionate conservatism." Also available are several well-worn, overused policies such as "Tax cuts for the rich", "More tax cuts for the rich" and "Permanent tax cuts for the rich."

Item #16
A specialized grouping of oil-related items. Those interested in oil exploration might want to check out the owner’s new offshore drilling permits as well as some generous tax rebates and an astonishing "blind eye" to ongoing obscene oil company profits.

Lot #19
As with most residential dwellings, this one has a workshop. The current occupant is dismantling his entire shop which includes a wide range of brand new, untouched construction and consensus-building tools. Also on offer are a complete set of the owner’s overused deregulators including his mortgage industry deregulator, banking industry deregulator, environmental deregulator and consumer protection deregulator.

Lot #9
The owner will be selling his extensive collection of maps. This lot features a barely used city map of New Orleans, an undecipherable road map to peace in the Middle East and a special Axis of Evil edition desk globe. Also on offer is a unique, one-of-a-kind, unavailable elsewhere map of Iraq of uncertain provenance showing all the weapons of mass destruction sites and the myriad links between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda.

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