24 Sussex Trick-or-treaters

Halloween is over and that means Canadian homes from coast to coast to coast were visited by scary trick-or-treaters.  And that included the nation’s First Residence: 24 Sussex Drive in Ottawa.  Here are some of the frightening visitors Stephen Harper had last Thursday night:

Mike Duffy
This is probably the scariest visitor the PM had on Halloween night. A modern version of the walking undead, it seems this guy can no longer be killed or bought off. Mr. Harper can try putting another cheque in Mr. Duffy’s treat bag but it might be too late. He better come up with something nice though; otherwise he can expect all manner of tricks from the Puffster.

Nigel Wright
This is the last person Mr. Harper wanted to see on Thursday night. But if Mr. Wright did show up, maybe the two of them finally got their story straight. Did Mr. Wright resign or did Mr. Harper dismiss him? With any luck, Mr. Wright will remain the disappeared ghost he has become.

Pamela Wallin
Dressed as a  witch, Ms. Wallin may have paid a visit to the official residence with vengeance on her mind. Like Mike Duffy, she’s looking for a few treats including the retention of her Senate seat or else she’ll be handing out old e-mails to the media like Halloween candy.

Arthur Hamilton
The prime minister probably barred this fellow at the gate, especially if he came bearing any scary e-mails and memos or possibly a frightening cancelled cheque for $13,560. If it was the latter, the PM just better hope it wasn’t drawn from Conservative Party funds.

Marjory LeBreton
 This is one scary Halloween visitor with both feet in her mouth and dragging a loose canon behind her. If she starts telling Mr. Harper how Patrick Brazeau was a failed experiment and how Mike Duffy spun his story of a repayment plot, he better cover his ears and have her escorted off the property.

The Ghost of Richard Nixon
If this spectre showed up at the door, Mr. Harper should have heeded his words carefully. “What did you know and when did you know it?” wails Mr. Nixon’s apparition. This ghost from scandals past knows very well that it’s seldom the crime that does you in; it’s usually the coverup that destroys you in the end.

The Conservative Base
They haven’t been too pleased of late and the latest Senate Scandal revelations have made them hopping mad. Mr. Harper better have some nice legislative goodies to offer them this Halloween if he hopes to keep his leadership position intact.

The Senate Tory Caucus
If this gang appeared, the PM should have listened very closely to their advice. Some are urging that the motion to suspend delinquent senators be withdrawn as a matter of principle. Given that further scrutiny might reveal more wrongdoings by other members, perhaps it should be withdrawn as a matter of practicality instead.

The Swing Voter
Possibly the scariest visitor to 24 Sussex Drive this year, the Swing Voter is as crazy and unpredictable as Justin Trudeau with a drug legalization issue.  Frightening as it is to consider, this spooky character almost elected the NDP last election and if Mr. Harper doesn’t fill up his Halloween treat bag with goodies like lower cell phone costs and pick-a-channel cable, he might just make Thomas Mulcair prime minister next time.